Monday, November 26, 2012

The Party’s Over: Confessions of a Control Freak on Thanksgiving Day

How was your Thanksgiving? Ours was quiet and casual. My husband did all the cooking and William and his girlfriend joined us for dinner.

I had a different blog post prepared about the challenge of balancing MS symptoms with my perfectionist tendencies, about wanting to control things I have no control over and having a hard time relinquishing control to those who don’t take control quite the way I want them to. You know, a typical family holiday scenario.

My husband said that if I wanted to focus on the negative, I deserved to feel miserable. So, instead of whining and griping ad nauseam, I've summed up my frustration with a single photo.

This was our guest's view from her seat at the Thanksgiving table. Apparently, I was the only person bothered by this mess, since no one thought to hide it before dinner.

CLICK PHOTO for the festive details.

Happy Thanksgiving!


  1. Well you chose an interesting photo to reflect what you're experiencing. I'm not sure what to say but I'm here, reading, sharing and letting you know you're a woman not alone. None of this will be news to you but it's all I could come up with. I think you'll catch my vibe. I hug you. *karendianne.

  2. When I got ill I had to give up the holiday perfection or I would have been setting myself up for failure. I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving. I used to be able to do everything at a holiday. Now I do what I can and ask for a lot of help.

  3. Oh Diane - I know it's not funny, but I had to laugh as you are obviously laughing too.
    You know I am the same, but I've learned over time that others aren't pretending not to care, they actually don't. I've been practicing this and I'm actually getting there. I hope it was a nice day

  4. I know this must have been frustrating for you, but you gave me quite the chuckle. My DH wouldn't have noticed either. I think it is natural for us to want things nice since our home is a reflection of us. I have no idea how to get the men in our lives to understand this. Hope you had some things to smile about, too!

  5. good for you now your laughing about it! I find things like this frustrating too, I try and do it all and there always seems to be one thing I miss and realize when the room is filled with people
    of course I KNOW they are looking at that too
    I bet you had a wonderful thanksgiving regardless!

  6. Yes, it would have bothered me. However - a wise person (DH) once told me that if I didn't let go of a few things, I would end up having to do ALL of it by myself (no one could do things well enough to suit me). I've learned that if I want help, I have to overlook a few things along the way. Is it easy? NO! Am I getting better at it? Yes - one thing at a time.

    Hope you were able to enjoy anyway!

  7. Well now, you had to go marry a BOY then raise two more BOYS didn't you? I know you wanted the mind powers of URI GELLER to move and hide that stuff. On the other hand, these things are part of who you and your family are and you should not be ashamed of them. Mom was OCD about the holiday dinner table growing up too - she always had a nice centerpiece and candles burning but the bottle of bourbon was hidden... Love, your little Brother

  8. Hey spartybrutus,

    Mom was a good cook and hostess, but the queen of control freaks! Oh, the ordering and nagging she did to achieve the “perfect” family gathering. I vowed that I wouldn’t treat my family the same way and I’ve stayed pretty true to my word.

    The source of my aggravation is, of course, that I can’t lift a finger to help. My eyes gravitate to what needs doing and I think, “Why doesn’t anyone else see that?” when what I really mean is “I wish I could do it myself.”

    This was the year that William learned how to carve a turkey and build a fire in the fireplace. Perhaps not quite as high on the masculine scale of social skills was learning that teaspoons are, indeed, part of a complete table setting.

    On to Christmas…

  9. Oh, my. I think I would have at least moved the sharps container, lol! But the focus of your guest must surely have been on the faces and food at the table :)